I've been known to have a bit of a temper. *Gasp* Shocker, I know, to those who know me best. Luckily, it takes alot to set my temper off. During normal relationship fights and general fights, my temper is like fire. It burns hot and quickly, but also dies quickly. Especially if no one fans it! The bad part of my temper is when my anger turns from fire to ice. In fact, I think the picture below even resembles what I look like when I get truly mad!
The icy part of my temper rarely, if ever, goes away. It's the part that allows me to hold a grudge. Sometimes for a lifetime. I blame my heritage. I'm part Scottish, and as we are well aware, the Scots can hold a grudge for a very, very long time. Years ago I remember speaking to my Grandfather (who was a Scotsman through and through) about Sean Connery accepting the Knighthood from Queen Elizabeth. Never have I seen my Grandpa so upset. In what only could be described as a Scottish burr my Grandpa proclaimed: "No true Scotsman would ever kneel before the English Queen!" He was livid and refused to watch any Sean Connery movies after that. Just goes to show that I come by my grudge-holding honestly!
In my day to day life, up until this last year there is, I think, only one person who has earned the icy, grudge-holding side of my temper. My ex-brother-in-law. Him and I never got along well to begin with, and once he cheated on my sister...well, it was over! She may be able to forgive and move on, but for me, no one hurts my sister and gets away with it! Anyway, I realized this week just how truly cold that side of my temper can be.
The Sperm Donor and I are both Aries. Known for being stubborn, head strong, opinionated and short tempered you can only imagine what it was like when two fire signs decided to fight. Of course, that same passion that went into our fighting also transferred to the bedroom. The fighting may have been intense, but so was the making up :) My fiery temper will only turn to ice once I've been truly deeply wounded, or if someone I'm loyal to has been truly deeply wounded. If you are standing in my way when it happens, the coldness of my words can sting and freeze as much as the cold air on a winter's morning. I've always lived by the motto "the pen is mightier than the sword." I've learned to use my words well, and to their utmost effectiveness. If I'm in "icy stage anger," every word is thought out, calculated, and delivered to its full force. No it's not pretty, no, I'm not proud of it, but like I said, it's confession time.
There's a guy at work who has taken to spoiling me the entire time I've been pregnant. There is absolutely nothing romantic about it. He's happily married with a couple of kids of his own. He's just one of those guys who thinks that a woman who is pregnant deserves to be spoiled. He's brought me little treats usually once a week. Either from himself or from his wife. Since this started I've been jokingly referring to him as my "boyfriend."
Anyway, the Sperm Donor and I were having a casual small-talk conversation the other night. Nothing bitter or angry about it other than my own internal feelings towards him. I said something to the effect of "hmmmm, my work boyfriend hasn't brought me any presents this week." I've mentioned the treats and this guy to the Sperm Donor before, so the "work boyfriend" should have clued him in to who I was talking about. The Sperm Donor didn't say anything for a minute, then said: "When you say 'boyfriend' you're not talking about me right?" I don't know why, but icy bitchy me decided to make an appearance.
"You know, I use alot of words to reference you, and 'boyfriend' is definitely not one of them." Followed by the ever-so-effective hair flip and walk away. And that's when I realized it. The Sperm Donor has earned my icy anger. The grudge-holding-for-years anger. The scary thing (for him) is that that is how I reacted when it was just me and him. Can you imagine how I'm going to react if he ever does anything to hurt our child?!? Even if it is inadvertent...God help him. Make my daughter cry? Earn the wrath of Keri! I honestly don't think he has any clue what he's in for. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.
No he didn't! Let me tell you I just had to pick my jaw up off the floor. Let the ice age begin!
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