That's right, it's official. I am pregnant again. I found out on April 7th, but so much has happened since then that I haven't had a chance to post. I also think that I really needed the time to process the information.
After Kaycie, after everything that's happened, do I really dare to dream? People on loss support boards call subsequent pregnancy babies "rainbow babies." Because rainbows are what happens after the storm. I like that term. I am the mother of one angel baby and currently...one rainbow baby.
I keep waiting for the fear to set in. The overwhelming, paralyzing fear. But it hasn't. At first I was patting myself on the back telling myself how strong I am. How optomistic. It only took a few nights to realize that my lack of fear wasn't for any of those reasons. It's because I don't believe yet. I don't believe this is actually going to happen for me. For now I'm just someone who doesn't drink alcohol or coffee. I'm not actually a mom-to-be yet. I'm not distancing myself from this pregnancy because there are definitely enough day to day reminders, I'm just not believing yet. A very odd feeling.
One step at a time, one appointment at a time. That is all I can do. 5 weeks, 3 days down, 34 weeks, 4 days to go.
No comments:
Post a Comment