I know I still need to post Prairie's birth story as well as a few other posts before I can get to posting about our every day life but there are still a few things that I need to get off my chest.
I've been following this blog for some time now. This woman was due to have her baby around the same time as I was due to have Prairie. Instead, she had her daughter at the end of September. A micro-preemie ie: one who decided she didn't need a third trimester. Still in the NICU, they're hopeful they'll get to go home some time in February. Prairie and I only did 16 days in the NICU, and that was more than enough for me so I can only imagine how she feels about being there for months! In her blog she speaks very honestly about watching other parents take their babies home and the obvious feelings of frustration and jealousy she has over that.
I completely understand. I get it. However, I can't help but wonder what she would of thought of me had she seen me in the NICU. I very likely would have been one of the parents she had ill feelings towards simply because of my child's gestational age. (Her words, not mine) My point is this....everybody's got a story. Yes, we only did 16 days in the NICU and yes, Prairie was very fortunate to be healthy and just need to grow before we could go home. But that doesn't erase what happened to Kaycie. For me, the NICU was a step up. At least my daughter was here, alive, and had a fighting chance! That in itself was such a huge blessing that it allowed me to better cope with the NICU. The average person seeing me there would never know the devastating loss I've endured. It is so easy to sit back and have negative feelings towards someone because you view them as "lucky".
You never know if that grocery store clerk, taxi driver, or countless other people you encounter on a daily basis are going through something extraordinarily devastating in their personal life. Be kind, be patient, and remember..."everybody's got a story that would break your heart."
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I have been trying to practice this a lot lately.... because my angel babies have opened up my eyes and my world to people and their very personal pains. People who I thought were just happy-go-lucky. Makes me realize even more how much people carry around in their hearts that affects who they are.
ReplyDeleteWow, members of Nyana's Army just keep crawling out of the woodwork! LOL. Hi, Keri, thanks for reading along.
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry if I come across as insensitive in my posts. I know very well that everyone has a story, and every day for the past hundred and twenty, I've wondered about more stories than I can count. I've listened to hundreds of stories, of hope and of survival, and of loss and despair. Trust me, I'm quite aware that there is always more than meets the eye.
Let me clarify that I've never had any ill feelings for other parents; I have said that I've irrationally disliked someone due to the health of their child, and that's true. Frustration and irritation make you feel a lot of irrational things. That doesn't mean that I didn't introduce myself to them, and ask how they were doing, and let them know that we're in it for the long haul, and if they had any questions or if they just needed to vent, just come talk to us veterans. In our extended stay there, we've seen just about every story imaginable. And believe it or not, the NICU is much more traumatic in short stints: I knew the night I was induced that I was in for a three, four month stay. That makes the days easier. Someone who only has a week or two there are the ones who are thrust into it completely unexpectedly, with little warning and often, not much support. I completely get how terrifying it is.
I'm probably rambling by now, but it's been an exhausting, emotional day... our closest friends in the NICU said goodbye to their girl this morning after a five-month fight. I'm very sorry to hear that you have an angel, and it's interesting that your post came today, at one of the lowest days my NICU has seen and we said goodbye to a beautiful girl.
Again, I'm sorry if you've seen insensitivity in my posts. I am very aware we all have a story, I guess I'm just wrapped up in telling mine. I'll work on my tone a bit.
Hugs,
K.
Hi Karen,
ReplyDeleteI responded to you privately, but I just wanted to reiterate that you NEVER have to apologize for your tone or anything you say on your blog! What you feel is personal to you and completely appropriate!
Isn't that the point of a blog? To vent, get things off your chest and (hopefully) feel a little bit better. You and your husband are truly doing an amazing job handling the situation and I have nothing but respect for that.
Continued good thoughts for Nyana's release from the NICU. I'll be sure to follow along :)
Keri