It has been so long since I've posted anything and I really need to do ALOT of catching up! However, before I start posting about my current life and everything that has gone on in the past two months, I just need to get something off my chest.
When I first got pregnant with Kaycie, I joined an online group of mothers all expecting around the same date. It was fun to read about everyone else's journey and know that many of them faced the same issues and questions. However, after losing Kaycie I realized that I no longer belonged there. During my pregnancy with Prairie, I definitely did not belong there. I mean really...I just couldn't care about types of strollers or whether to formula feed or breast feed. I had much more important concerns. At first, I didn't even go near that particular website. However, as I got more and more positive news about Prairie I started to check in on it. I rarely posted but I read along.
The one day I did post it was after a group of women were discussing prenatal testing and ultrasounds and whether or not to do it. There was, of course, the uber-pious types who self-righteously proclaimed "I would NEVER have an abortion, so why test or have an ultrasound?" Needless to say, this irked me beyond belief. I posted my story and basically told them all to kiss my ass. Not nice, I know. But they ticked me off! Most of them fell all over themselves saying: "well, of course, that is a different story." etc etc.
Anyway, I recently went back and read up on the ladies birth stories to see how everyone else was doing. What I read broke my heart. One woman (who declined testing) found out at birth that her baby had serious heart problems and had to be air lifted to the nearest children's hospital. Luckily, her baby will be ok after receiving heart surgery. "Lucky" being a relative term.
Another woman wasn't so "lucky." Her son was born right on schedule and was over 8lbs. However, after a few hours, they noticed he was having seizures and problems breathing. They started running tests and what they found was devastating. This baby is completely "brain dead" in her words. He will never have any quality of life. In a hospital 6 hours away from where they live, they had to make the decision to remove him from life support and "let nature take its course." While I'm devastated for her, I can't help but wonder if the doctor's would have been able to find the problems using tests.
My point? Even if you would "NEVER" have an abortion, prenatal testing is important. If, for no other reason than you can be prepared. Have the doctors and hospital in place that can deal with your particular situation. Knowledge is power and while ignorance is bliss, burying your head in the sand will serve no purpose.
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Keri - dont you think that it's a little presumptuous that you know what the woman's baby had if it could have been foreseen with pre-natal testing?
ReplyDeleteyour blogs are very judgmental and yet you preach to others to refrain from judging.
Your tone and way with words are so harsh and devoid of feeling. The fact that you call the father "sperm donor" shows how little respect you have for him.
It wasn't until i saw the picture of you with your little angel Kaycie that I felt much compassion. I am sorry you experienced that loss - as a mom - the only word i have is devastating.
please remember we are all moms. your words are harsh. your judgments hurt.
And not all of us are in the same place as you - hence what you believe to be nonsensical blabber about formula, strollers etc (which as a second time mom I have to admit didn't find as thrilling as when I went through this the first time - but remember - we all did this for the first time at least once and the excitement is un-containable).
Enjoy your new little baby. i hope she brings you nothing but joy, love, and a desire to do better.
Kirsten,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your response. I published your response, first because it challenges me. You are absolutely right in a few things you say. I do have a lack of a respect for the "sperm donor." Many if not all of my posts in the last year have been based on anger. That is where I am at in my life. And where I was.
Thank you for noticing that.
Things change, and that is the point of a blog. While you might find my words offensive, please understand that I will never go back and change what I wrote.
I love the "sperm donor" as the father of my child. However, he hurt me deeply, especially after what we went through.
Reading about strollers, breast feeding vs bottle feeding etc. That was written out of jealousy. I sooooo wish I could be a woman that cared about that when pregnant. Really...I do! I want that for myself, for every woman. That I don't get that does, in fact, make me bitter.
That impacts my writing. It all does. This blog is my "public" diary. My way to get my feelings out. While I'm sorry if my words offend, I certainly don't mean it that way, it is just what I feel.
Thank you again for reading and responding.
K.
By the way, the "sperm donor" said he likes what you said and we should publish more of what you have to say. :)
ReplyDeleteHis words, I'm quoting:
"Keri had every right to be mad at me. For reasons far too complicated to explain in a few sentences, I, dealt with the second pregnancy in a very poor manner, and would expect nothing less than the full scorn of the female community. But, despite all my failings, Keri handled me in a very patient and understanding manner, much as she does with our beautiful daughter. Judgments are passed all too easily and all too quickly. Take it from me, you never really know a person's story until you've lived it." ~ Asher (aks sperm donor)
Keri,
ReplyDeleteI have to jump in here. When I originally read this post I completely understood where you came from. As a mother who had to make the horrible decision to end a much wanted pregnancy for the love of my child, I understand the pain and jealousy that you don't want to feel but inevitably do.
I see your blog as your open forum to express your feelings whether they be good or bad. I am thankful you had this outlet to help you through a very difficult time.
I am also very happy that Asher came around and now you can enjoy your little miracle Prairie together everyday.
As Mother's Day approaches remember you are an amazing mother that had to make a heart breaking decision that you and I would never wish on anyone.
Love you,
Z